December Never Felt So Wrong
by espergirl04
Summary: He can't bring himself to look at the picture. And he's about to spend his Christmas drinking wine with the people he spent his whole life trying to get away from. Holidays were never his thing. John/Teyla. AU.


Inspired by _Winter Song_ sung by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. AU that occurs after a forced evacuation of Atlantis by the IOA.

Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis or the characters.

* * *

He misses the weather, the sun over the water, the ocean breeze. The cold sinks through layers and settles into every extremity until he can't quite feel his fingers and he finds himself fumbling with the key.

He misses the bustle. Not so much the everyone is running because the Wraith will be there any second. He doesn't miss that at all, but what he does miss is that all he had to do was walk into the lab and Rodney was sure to be there, or walk to the gym to find Ronon, or walk down the hall to find Teyla. He misses the breakfasts and lunches and dinners together. Hell, he even misses the swamps and forests and deserts that they trekked through. Because they had trekked through them _together_.

His apartment is empty. Not empty of things, he has plenty of those. He was pretty set when it came to furnishings. He had the giant flat screen and the pool table, the leather couch, all that.

Flipping on his stereo system he winces as Christmas music floats through the air. It's the first of December and he really isn't in the mood for holiday cheer. Work is hell. Life is worse. Cracking open a beer he switches stations and tries not to look at the framed picture on the wall.

***

"C'mon Sheppard, join us. What else do you have to do?" Cam asks.

He's about to come up with something clever but shrugs instead. Mission was a bust and he's beat. "Nothing, but I'm going to pass."

"Darling you have to join us," Vala tugged on Daniel's belt, "Doesn't he?"

Daniel has a look on his face and John has a sneaking suspicion it's something like pity. Maybe understanding. "No he doesn't."

He's making dinner for himself when there's a knock on his door and who does he find standing there but Rodney. "McKay? What are you doing here?" It isn't that he minds but he thought he remembered Rodney saying something about crisis that needed to be dealt with.

Rodney just shrugs, "Nothing. Just felt like stopping by."

He lets McKay in and he guesses that it's slightly better than when they were forced out of Atlantis. He and Rodney both work at the SGC along with some of the other Atlantis personnel. "Thought you said you were staying late."

"Well I was but I decided that it could wait." He realizes John's waiting for an answer and grabs a beer out of the fridge. "It feels weird, doesn't it? Even weirder than last time which doesn't make any sense but for some reason things just seem…" Rodney cracks, "We left them."

"Yeah, we did." John catches the beer that Rodney tosses to him and they sit on the couch watching tv and try not to look at the framed picture on the wall.

***

He almost wishes he was back on the planet he'd been on a few hours ago, great tropical rainforest spoiled by reptilian infested waters. He knows that it isn't so much the cold that bothers him, truth be told he's been in much worse…like Antarctica. It's just…it shouldn't _feel_ like Christmas.

The holidays had always been a touchy subject for him. As a kid Christmas meant dressing in a smart suit for Midnight Mass and then again for opening presents at Grandfather Sheppard's house the next morning. College and Christmas meant having to come home to listen to his mother and father argue; her southern drawl becoming progressively sharper until his father held up a hand in disgust and answered his phone. The year his mother left and he'd been stuck with his dad and brother, none of them knowing what to say to one another. None of them really wanting to say anything to one another. Christmas in Afghanistan had been ten times worse. Day before Christmas he'd watched a kid kiss cross himself before jumping out of a plane, Christmas day and he found out the kid was MIA.

Yet somehow Christmas on Atlantis had been, well, he assumed what a normal Christmas was supposed to feel like. Somewhat rushed with everyone slightly harried but in the end he felt like he was with family and he couldn't wipe the damn grin off of face. He would never forget the year of the mistletoe mishap with Teyla and Cadman. Oh, what a day.

So yeah, he hated it feeling like Christmas. Because this year Christmas meant an invitation from his brother and since they were trying to repair their relationship he couldn't exactly decline. But Christmas with Dave meant drinking wine and chatting with people that he had spent his whole life trying to get away from.

Still, he calls Dave and tells him he's coming.

Two days later and he's calling Dave with a grin telling him to add a plus one.

***

"John, glad you could make it," Dave smiles and gives his brother a hug and John decides that he can reciprocate because at the moment he's feeling the family thing. "And I'm sorry but I don't know your name?"

John places a hand on her back as she shakes Dave's hand. "My name is Teyla Emmagen. I am one of John's…co-workers," she stumbles slightly over the word but no one notices.

"Pleased to meet you, I couldn't believe it when little Johnny said he was bringing someone," Dave teases.

Teyla quirks an eyebrow at the pet name and John winces, "I'm not twelve anymore."

Dave laughs and lets them in.

He can't keep his hands off her. He's never been one for PDA but he's finding it extremely difficult not to touch her. It might have something to do with the fact that up until a week before he thought that he'd never see her again. Or it could have something to do with the fact that he'd spent all his time in Pegasus staving off his feelings for her and as a result he'd spent the past few months ready to tear his hair out because of all the what if's constantly running through his head.

He's standing next to her, one arm slung casually about her shoulders, talking to Dave.

"Alright guys, so tell me. How did you two kids meet?"

John feels Teyla tense and takes the initiative. "We were assigned to work together at some point." His answer isn't vague to the point that Dave will question but it isn't spilling any secrets either.

"So you're not down here permanently?" his brother directs the question towards Teyla.

This time she's quick to answer. "Actually, I believe that I might stay."

Dave takes a sip of wine. "Good, because you know what? I don't think I've ever seen my brother so happy in my life." He raises his glass to them before joining some of the board members, smiling to himself as he sees John lead Teyla up the stairs.

***

Its Christmas morning and Teyla's sitting on the floor of his apartment staring at the tree. She's wearing his shirt and what could possibly be Victoria's Secret underwear and that's it. He's never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

Her tan legs are curled beneath her and when he enters with two mugs of hot cider she looks at him, incredulous. "When did you…how?"

He laughs, "It was Santa."

"But John, we returned late from your brother's and I remember on Atlantis how some would spend days decorating." Her brow furrows slightly, "And I believe that Santa is a children's tale?"

He sets the mugs down and crouches behind her, taking her into his arms. "McKay's just bitter because Santa gave him coal as a child. And what can I say; I wanted to make your first Christmas here special."

She smiles and assures him that he has before shoving her gift to him into his hands. "I made it for you before coming to Earth. I knew that your departure would not be the last time that I saw you."

It's a woven leather wristband and he smiles. She knew that she would see him again, and she had made the sacrifice of leaving her home to make it happen. "This means a lot. I got something for you too."

He bought her a necklace that Ronon had helped him pick it out. The Satedan had been seemingly distracted by all the holiday shoppers but when John had asked for his opinion he'd immediately pointed at it and John had to agree.

It was strand upon strand of turquoise beads; the kind of turquoise that seemed to shift blues the more he looked at it, but it reminded him of the ocean and the ocean reminded him of Atlantis. Atlantis reminded him of Teyla.

***

A year later and he couldn't remember hating December. December meant Christmas. And Christmas Eve meant showing up at Dave's house with Rodney and Ronon and their respective dates. Christmas Eve meant Teyla laughing and flashing her ring at everyone's insistence and John planting a very public kiss on her while she laughed.

Christmas meant family. Family meant the people in the frame. And he was happy with that.


End file.
